Right now, God is gently leading me through what I am calling an 'acceptance of sacrifice.' It's not easy. It's not fun. But He is providing me with just enough hope and encouragement to allow me to see the light at the end of this small tunnel. Perhaps it was with this same kind of hope (just on a larger - MUCH larger scale) that God was able to sacrifice His Son...how painful it was in the moment, but knowing that the outcome would be better than anyone could have imagined I'm sure made His 'Rescue Plan' worthwhile in His eyes.
I am supposed to be in California right now. With Charlotte, Thaddaeus, family members, and a dear friend, Magda, whose bridal shower we are to celebrate this Saturday. However, I am stuck in Vancouver with a sick child. She is very sick. Although I don't know what she is sick with or how long it will last, I can see ahead just enough to know that we need to stay home - that travelling would be awful for her and that a shortened trip would be too stressful for her little body. Oh how I hate this! I have been looking forward to this trip for several weeks, planning the shower with the other bridesmaids, planning all sorts of outings with friends and family...I hate to admit that I felt just a twinge of annoyance with Charlotte for 'messing things up.' "Charlotte, if only you hadn't gotten sick...Mommy could be having a great time right now, instead of mixing Tylenol into popsicles, cleaning up throw-up, and checking your temperature every 2 hours!" Now now, of course I didn't say that to her. But I assure you, plenty of that kind of one-sided dialogue has been running through my head for the past 36 hours!
Having to accept this change of plans is not easy, but it's made just a tad bit better by knowing that this sacrifice of mine is for my daughter's greater good. Would I sacrifice her health just so that I can have fun and keep my plans? I hope I would never do such a thing. I am daily seeing how God truly uses parenting as a way to bring us closer to Christ-likeness, that He truly wants us to see the reflection of Him + us in us + our children. And if it takes a sick little girl and a cancelled trip to bring me one tiny step closer to being 'in His likeness', then let it be so.